European To-Do List

I wanted to travel around Europe with Christin because she was a hyper-planner, the type of person who made a to-do list before brushing her teeth. I figured if I traveled with Christin, the precise route would be laid out perfectly in advance, and I could just tag along mindlessly for the ride. She was spending her summer gallivanting around the Old World, and I had just finished coaching a ski camp on a French glacier and needed some downtime before flying back to the States. I also had this longstanding dream of seeing a stage of the Tour de France in person, and Christin was up for the adventure.

But in May of 2009, two months before we met up at the hostel in Geneva, we were having a tough time finding a hotel room in Verbier for the night before the Tour was scheduled to pass through town. Emails in broken English from Swiss addresses returned to our in-boxes with harsh news. We were crazy Americans for thinking we would be able to find a single hotel room or bed in a hostel for anytime in the whole week leading up to the race. The entire town had been booked up since the official Tour route was announced back in October. Stupid Americans.

When we had nearly given up on being berated by hotel owners via the internet, Christin received a miraculous email. One establishment, Hotel Les Touristes, had a room with two single beds available for July 18th. I tried to book it. Teresa, the manager, wrote back to tell me there was a misunderstanding and the room was not available. I was beginning to realize that travel agents were still useful even in the era of the internet. A few more emails exchanged with Teresa revealed that there was a room, and it would cost each of us roughly $50 USD. Breakfast was included. While this was the most expensive room we booked on our entire low budget excursion, it was not only the last available room in all of Verbier, it was also most likely the cheapest.

Though I had secured the reservation, I was still nervous about the room’s availability. I spent the first few days of the trip wondering what we would do if we got all the way to Verbier and had nowhere to stay. We figured we would just stay up all night, or try to befriend some nice European gentlemen with a room. My mother had shared with me, quite unprompted, the story of the summer she spent backpacking around Europe in her twenties when she found herself a ‘nice German boy.’ “They’re all over the place,” she told me. “Two cute American girls—you’ll find somewhere to sleep.” But we were really trying to avoid last minute decision-making.

Flat campsites in Verbier were hard to come by

It was a rainy morning in Lausanne, Switzerland when we departed for Verbier via a quick stop in Montreux to catch a bit of the world famous jazz festival. On the Montreux train station platform, we put our luggage in a locker and Christin wasted Swiss Franc after Swiss Franc trying to figure out how to lock it. It was a long travel day, and we were pissing away our coins in order to free ourselves of my wheeled duffel and her backpack. After the music and re-boarding a train or two, we eventually came upon the St. Bernard Express which took us to the valley below Verbier.

From the valley floor, we rode a four-person gondola to access the village of Verbier. We had an address of our hotel, but little sense of how far it was from the center of town. So we began to descend the main drag and wandered down the steep switchbacks, me pulling my duffel and Christin lugging her pack. Every step we took downhill was calculated as a step back uphill we would eventually have to take with our gear after the completion of Stage 15. Around the turn of an unsuspecting switchback, roughly 2km and several hundred meters in elevation from the gondola station, we came across our lodging.

Yes, that is the Tour route. Right there. Outside our door.

Over 100,000 spectators invaded the town the next morning, and as we emerged from our down duvets in our incredibly comfortable beds, we realized the splendid luck that had befallen us. Directly outside our bedroom window, the giant inflatable 1km to go banner spanned the road.

Prime viewing real estate was going faster than a gentrified SoHo loft, so we scoped out a high-walled switchback that gave us a look at both the turn below and the 1km mark. The lovely innkeeper who gave us free jam but who spoke no English indicated to us in hand signals and French (which Christin understood, sort of) that we could keep our luggage at the hotel all day and could use the facilities when needed. We abandoned our bags for the time being and set up camp at 10am alongside a Euro couple who had plenty of wine, bread, and cheese to share throughout the day.

Can we stay here forever?

Lance Armstrong had catapulted himself into my life as a sort of idol, and I had a naked Annie Leibovitz print of him riding a bike for a Vanity Fair photo shoot hanging on my bedroom wall. It was belittling for the male suitors in my life, but a girl has got to aim high. Christin and I enjoyed the fanfare of the pre-Tour circus very much, but we were both anxiously awaiting the arrival of Lance. The television helicopter hovered nearby, and we could see an Astana team kit weaving around the lower switchback toward us. “How will we know if it’s Lance?” Christin asked. I replied, “He’s the only guy on the team wearing a black and yellow Livestrong helmet. Everybody else has team issued Astana helmets.” That’s when Alberto Contador came dancing around the turn.


Without hesitation, Christin hit the start button on her stopwatch function so we’d know how much time Lance was down to Contador. As seconds ticked by and became minutes, we yielded our hope for the American Dream. Armstrong eventually rounded the bend with the support of his other teammate, Andreas Klöden.

The Day the Music Died

The results felt devastating, but not as devastating as the trudge we still had back to the gondola in a crowd of 100,000 people with all our luggage. We weighed the option of walking down the mountain to Le Châble train station instead and reasoned it was about 7km of gravity-assistance versus the 2km twisting, turning uphill climb. Sheer distance won the debate and we began the hike. I lost Christin amidst the chaos for several minutes because she stopped to take a picture of some Swiss dudes tooting their horns.

It was hot, we were sweating profusely and fellow members of the swarm kept walking into the duffel that lagged just behind my ankles. Christin was stealth and agile and able to make the necessary jukes to advance our position in the river of people. As we approached the queue for the gondola, I had flashbacks to my childhood when I demanded a ride on Space Mountain at Disney World despite the never-ending line that snaked in front of the rollercoaster. But we were in Europe, and I had just come off nearly three weeks of elbowing people and planting my poles in front of skiers in lift lines at Les Deux Alpes. Christin was equally skilled at the subtle art of European line negotiation. So we began to assert our presence and fill in gaps wherever they appeared.

A group of American guys near our age realized we had overtaken them when we came face-to-face on one of the double-backed rows, Christin and I clearly in the lead. “Hey!” one of them shouted, “You’re like totally cutting.” I shook my head at his ignorance, chuckled to Christin, and replied, “We’re kind of pros at this.” An hour later we boarded a gondola and returned to the valley below. The long train ride back to Geneva still loomed on the horizon and our day was barely halfway over.

[vast majority of photo credits go to Christin who, thankfully, takes as many pictures as she makes to-do lists]

Bullied by the Bridge Troll

There is an age in everyone’s youth when belief in the mythical stories of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy are abandoned, and yet the possibilities of fairy tales themselves still feel very real. Young women continue to cling to the elusive dream of being rescued by a handsome prince and happily ever after dangles enticingly as the end goal of every ambition. But the most renowned fairy tales, those retold by the Brothers Grimm of Germany in the 1800s, are dark and violent and far more representative of everyday life than the lighthearted modern versions we were enchanted by as children.

I didn’t want to ride my bike on Sunday, but I woke up early to watch a live stage of the Tour de France, the world’s most popular cycling contest, and the road biking spark was lit. I needed to take it easy on my body though, so I asked my housemate if she wanted to join me for a slow 20-mile ‘recovery’ spin along one of our favorite routes, The River Loop. Just as she agreed, her friend Mike walked by on our street, and she hollered out an open window and managed to rope him in as well. We cruised North on Route 5 for a while before Mike inquired if we wanted to climb Academy, a local hill that led to a school. It was a slight diversion and would add some mileage, but it was a fun climb and it got us off a busy road, so we gladly accepted the challenge. We cruised up the road past a lost triathlete who was consulting a map, tried to offer directions to little avail, and then quickly dropped her.

Descending the potholed backside of the climb, I suggested we divert our course once again to a smoother, less-trafficked road that would add another couple of smooth miles. No big deal. We reconnected with Route 5 before crossing the river and entering New Hampshire. River Road, the key connector in our favorite social loop, is a quiet road that hugs the Connecticut River and has a series of single-lane bridges, one of which had been under construction for months.

The signage was no deterrent because my housemate, Lauren, had ridden the same route a few weeks earlier and said that so long as we arrived outside of work hours, we should be able to walk right across the bridge just as she had done. And if that was no longer the case, this major piece of roadway infrastructure spanned a dribbling creek no more than ten feet in width, and we all agreed we could just trudge through it with our bikes on our shoulders.

As we approached the bridge, I could see some movement near the construction zone and there were a number of cars parked on the side of the road. Despite the fact that it was a holiday weekend, I was concerned that they might actually be working. Lauren assuaged my fears and said, “I don’t think those cars are for the construction, but let’s go see and we’ll just ask if we can walk across.” I replied, “I feel like we’re about to negotiate with a bridge troll.”

There was a large man in jeans and a t-shirt walking near the construction zone and he had his pick-up truck parked in a dirt driveway just to the left of the closure. He appeared to be a worker, and as we approached, he informed us that the road was closed. We acknowledged the obvious as we had all read the copious signage along the route indicating such, and then Lauren added, “I was here a few weeks ago, and we just walked across. I mean, I don’t see anyone doing any work.” He calmly replied, “Well, there’s an eight foot gap missing from the bridge now.” Which there was.

Though by my rough eyeball estimate, the gap was a heck of a lot wider than eight feet.

No worries, Mike chimed in, “Let’s just see how high the water is,” and he began to walk towards the edge of the road where it met the edge of the bridge. The man with the pick-up angrily barked, “Do not take another step. That’s my property, and you’re not allowed on it.” Mike was convinced the guy had to be kidding, and he started to chuckle. “Seriously?” he asked. “I’m sick and tired of the arrogance,” the man shouted to which I added, “Well, the first ten feet of your property is municipally owned.” At this point, his voice became even more enraged and he growled, “Are you going to quote the law with me, lady? This is my property and you better stay the fuck off it!” Mike mentioned he didn’t have a ‘No Trespassing’ sign to mark his private property.

“I don’t need a fucking sign. I’m telling you it’s mine and you have to turn around.”

Quite curiously, there was a sign directly across the street in a lovely mowed field on the shore of the river.

Lauren found the man’s unwarranted rage rather humorous, so she thanked him for giving us something to laugh about and told the man to have a lovely weekend. When he said, “I hope you have a great fucking weekend too,” I could no longer resist. Despite the fact that we later concurred he probably had a shotgun in his truck and seemed perturbed enough to shoot any one of us had we set just a toe on his land, his gratuitous swearing and the fact that he referred to me as ‘lady’ was over the top.

I gazed over at the corpulent man in his dirty jeans and t-shirt with his wild gray hair and angry eyes, and I commented, “Look, bridge trolls really do exist!”

Had we been permitted to walk ten paces onto the edge of the bridge troll’s land, we would have been able to scamper across the narrow stream on this conveniently felled tree and our shoes wouldn’t have even gotten wet.

Instead, we turned back from whence we came and had some good laughs at the troll’s sad existence. It was a beautiful holiday weekend, and he had nothing better to do than guard the end of his driveway against trespassing road cyclists. Our light spin increased from 20 to 34 miles, and we were all thirsty by the time we returned home, but we realized how ugly the human spirit could be. Just when I had exhausted all explanation for the bridge troll’s insistence that nobody walk one foot onto his property, Lauren provided the only conceivable rationale.

This guy lives at the edge of a bridge that has been closed for months. Every time he wants to go into town, he has to drive all the way around, adding roughly 7 miles to his trip. So if he can’t get over the stream, nobody is going to get over the stream. Life gives him lemons, and he pays them forward in poor form.

For further reference on how to defeat a troll, feel free to review this scholarly paper I unearthed one day too late.