Where There’s Smoke, There’s Pancakes

Back in graduate school in 2004, I moved around the greater Hanover, New Hampshire area three times in eight months. I started off in a house a little too far away from campus and then migrated into free housing for the summer while a friend was away. But eventually it became time for me to find a home I could appreciate, even if it was a bit out of my price range.

I found a laid-back roommate from Florida who was also in my program, and together we signed a one-lease for a two-bedroom condo in a complex filled with working professionals and full-grown adults. We still felt like kids. Brook Hollow was within walking distance of everything we needed even if we were each shelling out $700/month plus utilities.

The front door of each block of units opened to a shared hallway where we could collect mail and access our condo. So while we didn’t have lengthy interactions with the neighbors, we had a good sense of the characters to avoid (like ‘Crazy Jim’ who used to gratuitously curse aloud at the bills he retrieved from his mailbox or ‘Boris’ the Russian Studies Professor who lived above us and enjoyed practicing his tuba at odd hours). But before my roommate Kristin and I discovered that everyone around us was unusually quirky, we spent most of our time trying to fit into this professional adult world.

So the first weekend we moved in, while I was still unpacking my things in the kitchen, I decided to make homemade chicken fingers. Not the frozen kind–rather my own–from fresh cutlet tenders and a mixture of crushed Special K cereal and a handful of spices.

Give me a break, it was raining the day we moved in.

I turned on the old electric range, flipped on the fan for ventilation, put some oil in the pan, and prepared for a deep-frying frenzy. But things quickly got out of control when the vent couldn’t keep up with the smoke from the pan. I opened the kitchen window, and as I did, the smoke alarm in our unit began to sound. But this was no standard smoke alarm. This was a smoke alarm warning of Soviet invasion. And it didn’t just go off in our kitchen; it was blaring through the entire condo unit. I noticed our neighbors begin to file outside with some sense of concern. I wondered if maybe my frying smoke and the alarm were somehow unrelated. Kristin and I joined everyone in front of the building as the Hanover Fire Department arrived on the scene in a full ladder truck.

My worst fears were confirmed when one of the firefighters announced that my condo had caused the alarm. He asked if there was a fire. I responded, “No, there was just a little smoke from frying chicken.” My neighbors looked on with scorn. The firefighter asked, “How long have you lived here?” I replied, “Less than a day. We just moved in.” Our condo units had a reputation for highly sensitive smoke alarms that had a direct link to the local department, but nobody had bothered to tell us. Anytime they went off, firefighters would have to respond. Apparently this happened with relative frequency.

“Is there anything I can do to prevent the Fire Department from showing up at my door every time I cook?” I asked the firefighter.

“Not really,” he responded. “But if you happen to be making pancakes, be sure to make extra, because firemen LOVE pancakes.”

Kayak Load = Epic Fail

When I was shopping for a one-person, flat water kayak last summer, I only had two limitations: I needed to be able to carry the thing myself, and it needed to fit inside my Subaru. I already had too many rack configurations between ski boxes and bike trays, and I was disinterested in adding a kayak rack to my already cluttered roof. After measuring my interior and implementing a bit of trial and error, I settled on an Old Town Otter that fit perfectly in my car if I folded the front passenger seat all the way down. When my buddy Mike came for a visit and we decided to take the boats out, he was impressed with my bypass of the roof rack.

Mike’s caption for this particular photo read, “Kayak rack no es necesario.”

How proud I was of my creative, mastermind plan to accommodate transporting the toys for all of my outdoor pursuits in my Subaru! Freedom is the ability to pack everything you need in one tight space. Fall turned to winter and winter turned to delayed spring, and I decided to move across the state. Suddenly, I had to pack all of my toys into the car nearly simultaneously or at least consolidated in as few trips as possible.

Loading my kayak into the empty Subaru, I miscalculated my own strength and literally hurled it into the back of the car. It slid along all the folded seats and did not halt until it abruptly met the windshield, and not without leaving its telltale spider-web shatter mark behind.

After talking with a colleague who offers industry discounts on roof racks, I found out that I could get a pretty snazzy kayak roof rack for the very reasonable price of $80. The cost to replace my windshield was $237. Kayak rack es necesario.